Rule #1 of writing good books and living a good life

No one wants to be lectured unless they are paying for the seat in the lecture hall. We want to communicate, have a conversation and be a part of the social interaction. With writing we are often told to show not tell. This means don’t lecture, explain or babble on about the beauty of the landscape or the backstory for too long. Have the characters see, hear and experience the situation through their thoughts, words and actions. This makes for a much better story. It helps the reader experience the situation right along with them. They become part of the story.

Photo by Giuseppe Argenziano on Unsplash

In life it is the same. People don’t want to be told about life and how they should think or live. They want to be shown the world and experience it with someone and eventually exist in that world on their own. When we lecture our kids about how life is – they don’t listen. They are looking around, touching things, wiggling their bodies and not listening. But when you take their hand, walk with them and point things out, they are far more attentive to what we say. Even more so, they watch us when we aren’t paying attention. They see and hear everything. I whisper something to my husband about our daughter and she calls out from two rooms over, “I heard that” You better believe they are listening!

So what are they seeing and hearing? Is it the same thing we are trying to tell them? Do our actions speak louder than our words? They are watching us very closely and in their minds they are cataloguing things that make sense, things that don’t and deciding, even at very early ages, what they believe. When our actions give them mixed signals it makes it harder for them to believe our words. Once someone has made up their mind and the longer that the thought is reinforced, then the harder it is to change. Logic, after a certain point, doesn’t really come into the discussion. When was the last time that you actually changed someone’s mind?

It takes effort to open your own mind and allow someone to tell you that you are wrong. Then you must weigh all the possibilities. Next and probably the hardest part of all, you must remove all of the emotional and inter-personal baggage surrounding that thought. If you can only look at the idea and not the person who first presented it to you or the person asking at the this moment, then you might see the flaw in your logic and change your mind. But it is so hard to say that you might be wrong. It takes even more effort to start preaching the truth that you now know. That wrongness is going to taunt you for a long time.

But what if you are not wrong. What if you can strip it back and your idea still stands. Then your preaching the truth is justified, right? You should tell everyone else that they are wrong, help them be correct and then everybody will be on the same page. Right? Well, maybe not the way you think. Put the invitation to discuss the idea out there. Ask them why they think they are right. But don’t lecture. Maybe don’t even talk. You didn’t discover your truth by having someone pound you over the head. You needed to discover the truth by quietly analyzing your own proofs and motives. So do they.

Show, don’t tell is just another way of saying lead by example. In a world where people only get 30 seconds or 150 characters to say what they are thinking or feeling at this exact moment we have to be succinct. Table time suppers are not the one hour they used to be, ten or fifteen minutes at most if at all and our lives are full of rushed goodbyes. Where and when do we get a chance to just talk and listen to each other and share our views without judgement. Our actions are even more important now then they have ever been in the past. Our social interactions both in-person and online are fast and furious so make the moments count.

If we are unsure of exactly what we are supposed to be doing remember there is a perfect example all recorded for us to follow- the Gospels. WWJD was an excellent

motto and a straight forward plan of action, not just words on a bracelet. I was reminded of a verse I used to say on a weekly basis. The leader would call out: What does the Lord require of you? We responded: To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. Micah 6:8. Its that simple. Act , love, and walk. Yelling across the web is not part of it, lecturing is not going to work. Besides Jesus taught mostly using stories. He was an author, he knew the rule – Show don’t Tell. He lived it.

This week try to act justly not just say the words of justice. Then love mercy. Show someone mercy, both in your thoughts and your deeds. Then go for a walk, experience the world around you and humbly take Jesus’ hand. He has things to tell you.

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